Perfection

It's been over a month since my last post, and I apologize for that. I have not written for a number of reasons, none of which are good reasons. A lot of times, I feel like I have nothing of worth to write about. I let my pride get in the way of the true purpose of this blog, which is to be transparent and show everyone how I grow and struggle in my walk with God. The struggling part can be represented by the lack of posts!

Sometimes, I feel like I have to have a "revelation from God" or something that I think would be good for everyone to hear/read. I have realized that this is my insecurity of how I am perceived. This begs the question: "Who am I trying to impress?". God? My elders? My peers? This leads to another question: "Why am I trying to impress anyone?". I am not perfect, but the problem is that I like to be perceived by others as being close to perfect. I like to let others think that I have it all together. I need to get rid of this prideful way of thinking and be real with myself.

With that being said, as of this moment, I am struggling with being content with my present life. Don't get me wrong, I have a great life! I have a wonderful wife, a great family, a great church, and tons of blessings. The problem is that I am too busy looking forward to the future. I have staked my happiness and joy in the things to come. When I become a teacher.... When we get a better house.... When we get a better car.... When we start having kids.... Its fun and even somewhat productive to think about these things, but I believe that I am missing out on what God has in store for me right now. I am praying for contentment with my life right now. I have so many things to be joyful about, I just don't need to let the future (the temptation of bigger and better things to come) get in the way.

The last thing that I'd like to bring up is the realness of God. I have been struggling with how real God is to me. I believe in God, Jesus, the Bible, etc., and I truly believe that I am a Christian, that is not the point that I am trying to make. I just think that if Jesus were to walk into my house and show himself to me, I would live my life drastically different. Maybe this is an issue of how little faith I have. Maybe its the devil's temptation that we are going to live forever and we can worry about this "God thing" later on. I think that if we all acted like Jesus was as real as any person we know, our lives would be transformed. I do not want to just have a concept of Jesus, I want to know without a shadow of doubt that He is real, and act like it.

Forgive me, friends, for not posting lately. I will try to do better. I am not worthy of anyone reading this, but my prayer is that something I write will encourage you. Please pray for my prideful heart and that I can be content with my life and everything that God has blessed me with. Let's all live today in the truth that He is alive and real!